Swingers: the swingers

Swingers: the swingers



  • 1 What is being a swinger?
  • 2 What is behind the personality of the swingers?
  • 3 What group characteristics do they present?
  • 4 How do you search in groups?
  • 5 Final reflection

What is being a swinger?

Psychology analyzes and classifies the sexual diversity of our behaviors to understand them and to help in conflict situations. In principle, specialized manuals (DSM V) classify sexual manifestations into two groups:

  • the dysfunctions or alterations of psychological or physiological type that prevent the enjoyment of sexuality and eroticism, and
  • the paraphilias or unusual and sometimes socially unacceptable behaviors.

Well, in this second classification, you will find the manifestations of swinger's sexuality. Where sex is practiced in a group and where the official couple, is not exactly the protagonist to directly promote sex, because it is done primarily with the participation of others. Here the combinations are multiple: A man with two women, a woman with two women, a woman with two men (Bivirism), three men with three men (triolism), three women among themselves, in short as many participants and as many rotations as the imagination allows.

Within the same combinations, the same manuals distinguish those who are able to experience an orgasm or enjoy erotically watching their partner have sex (Alopelia), or those who enjoy being observed having it with a partner that is not their own (Agrexophilia) or to see the couple copulating with another (Candalagnia) or imagine the couple with another person in privacy (Allergy) or enjoy sex with someone who is menstruating (Menstruophilia) or who feels pleasure for the sweat left by the couple in turn (Sudorophilia) or those who get excited about talking openly about sex or knowing that their partner wants to have sex with one of the attendees (auditory inspection or audioerotism).

You can complete the list with the voyeurists, that is, the people who like to look in the privacy of others, but without being observed, who like exhibit (exhibitionists) or who like to hear the moans or sounds produced by others when they have privacy without being seen (Ecouteurism).

Those who favor it, consider it a lifestyle, and not a fashion or a pathology. Those who are against it consider it a sexual deviation, a perversion or an act of promiscuity and lack of morals. There are those who may agree or not, but the fact is that it is one of many forms of sexual behavior.

What is behind the personality of the swingers?

According to the characteristics that I have observed in the office, they are people who feel unable to meet the intimate needs of their own partner personally, so they are looking for some person (s) to help them complete this labor (for that reason I speak of the metaphor of driving the car in previous lines).

Present differences in their sexual temperaments and having group sex balances them in one way or another. They have certain disadvantages that prevent them from relating to their own partner in the personal sphere and decide to resort to doing so in a group environment full of imagery. Sometimes due to this perception of not being able to satisfy or fill your partner, this becomes a rather physical and real disability, where group sex is used as a resource to be able to complete the task with the couple.

Unconsciously, they present some conflicts with their own sexual identity running in a continuum where they can potentially be: heterosexual, homosexuals or bisexual They start from the assumption where those who intervene in group sex are not men or women, but a body to love.

They can present one or several paraphilias in a mixture of behaviors in the same act: observe, be observed, get excited imagining the couple with another person, hear the moans, touch, smell, lick the secretions or moods left by another person in the couple (, etc.

Unconsciously, they also present some paranoid traits where they compare their own sexual performance with those who help them complete the task of satisfying their partner. And they present some conflicts regarding falling in love. I have had cases where, although the rule is not to mix emotions and feelings during the group sex activity, they end up falling in love with another couple that is not their own with whom they can establish an emotional commitment even if sexual non-exclusivity is followed.

What group characteristics do they present?

There are open groups where they share more or less the same social condition (similar profession, similar age, etc.) or similar socioeconomic group, marital status does not matter, it is required to be of age (over 20), go as a couple, sometimes it is not allowed to enter single men, but yes to single women, surrounded by an atmosphere of gloom and have the same philosophy of pleasure, that is, "de-stressing", seeking happiness in love or as a solution to sexual boredom, experience new forms of sexual experience, a release of taboos and break with the conventional rules of sexuality.

They can come from dysfunctional, disintegrated or conservative families. In this sense, they get to have unresolved conflicts with respect to any of the parents' figures, from which they received no affection or this was distorted upon being received (possible abuse).
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As a family group the ties of belonging are very weak, which can lead to insecurity or emotional instability, hidden through an apparent security in sharing with the couple. They present some aggression or hostility towards the opposite sex also unconsciously and under commitment to the activities of their own family or partner.

Very important is the fact that in group sex a golden rule is that "it is not no", this is if something or someone is not to your liking simply does not insist and be respected. As part of the communication dynamics in the group, anonymity is kept out as a protective measure.

In general, each club, as in any social group, can have its specific rules (not chubby, if chubby, formal clothes, sexy clothes, with underwear, without underwear, with an hour of entry and exit) and others that They are shared collectively (share with the couple).

Many times only one of the members of the couple is the one who is convinced to belong to a swinger group and pressures the other subtly (emotional blackmail) to access and be convinced to participate.

How do you search in groups?

They can be open groups where they describe self-perceived characteristics: young, exquisite, attractive, fiery, hot, willing, sexually creative couple, stable marriage, normal, gay, lesbians, liberals, good looking, heterosexual, clean, educated, practicing sex without ties, mature, faithful, without anal sex, professionals, monogamous, sincere, honest, who fulfill fantasies, with the pleasure of seeing or being seen, without drugs, without rolls, direct, not bisexual, in short diversity is found in all The range of requests.

In established groups, communication and organization systems are regulated by a couple or people who coordinate the events, or meeting places, with established fees, cover style and consumption. Anonymity is saved and relationship contacts are more ephemeral.

The groups that are not established and that are sought, perform group sex in the places that they consider more intimate or clandestine and may be the home of a couple or another site that provides privacy. They are usually among people known or tempted to try. Two groups can be different: one where a person is the host of a private party and another where two couples deliberately agree to share. Here couples who share each other know more intimately and there may be more lasting emotional ties than in established groups.

Other groups may eventually be searched through the Internet or other media (blankets, newspaper ads, magazines, etc.) to meet.

Final reflection

Anyway, paraphilia, deviation or lifestyle, swingers are part of the sexual manifestations of humanity, not today but for centuries. Currently, in Canada, there are bars or centers officially recognized even by the tax institutions, as allowed or not, badly seen or not, meetings of this type, also generate and pay taxes. Paying or not paying taxes in cities where they are not officially allowed as clubs or businesses, they are part of the secrecy and services that can be found in many cities like ours.

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