Boiled Frog Syndrome and Relationships

Boiled Frog Syndrome and Relationships

I chose to write about "The boiled frog syndrome" because it is common to all people and more in these times when everything is so dizzying. Nobody escapes the fact of adapting to a situation that is an unease and generally we make great efforts to adapt in several areas of life simultaneously.


  • 1 The fable of the boiled frog
  • 2 The message
  • 3 When the relationship degrades slowly
  • 4 Jealousy in the relationship
  • 5 What degree of boiling are you in?

The fable of the boiled frog

Olivier Clerc, French writer and philosopher wrote in a simple and understandable way the fable of "The Frog Who Didn't Know It Was Boiled". This fable is based on a real physical law:

If the heating temperature of the water temperature is less than 0.02º / minute, the frog stays still and dies at the end of cooking.

Imagine a casserole full of water, inside which a frog calmly swims. The pan is heating slowly. After a while the water is warm. To the frog this seems nice and keeps swimming. The temperature starts to rise. Now the water is hot, a little more than the frog usually likes. But do not worry. The heat causes fatigue and drowsiness.

Now the water is really hot and the frog starts to find it unpleasant. The bad thing is that he is without strength, so he just endures and does nothing else. Thus the temperature continues to rise, never in an accelerated manner, until the frog has just boiled and dies without having made any effort to get out of the pan.

If we had suddenly submerged her in a bowl with the water at fifty degrees, she would have been safe from an energetic jump.

The message

What the frog's allegory teaches us is that whenever there is a slow, tenuous, almost imperceptible deterioration, it goes unnoticed and most of the time it does not provoke reaction, opposition or rebellion.

This fable is designed to lead us to reflect on the way of life we ‚Äč‚Äčlead, and its possible consequences.

Many times we go through life as asleep, lethargic, letting go of the days, weeks, months and years, without doing anything to break with apathy, laziness or day-to-day routine.

Many times we find ourselves in unpleasant or uncomfortable situations that are tolerated, simply because we have become accustomed to them and we don't know how to get out of that place.

When the relationship degrades slowly

In relationships, this logic also works when they are locked in a routine of isolation, so as not to have the opportunity to perceive the danger. Without trust, couple relationships crumble.

There are times when we can feel that a distance is growing between the members of the duo, one is retreating or the other is the one who moves away. Time together is less and magic seems to falter. You may be seeing the emergence of a crack, communication difficulties that you do not know how to solve.

The survival of the couple causes some people to adapt to avoid arguments. The gradual adaptation to third-party threat situations generated an isolation situation. It was a slow and gradual process.

When a change is slowly introduced into our lives, it escapes our consciousness, without preparing to respond to a situation that, over the months, becomes dangerous, comfortable and unsustainable. This is the situation of the fable taken to our lives.

It is important to keep in mind that each one must have a personal space and be autonomous in it, confident that the others will not cross the border.

There are certain limits that are shared by almost everyone, in the personal, work, family, couple areas; there are other limits that are non-negotiable, often in relation to the other's family, with whom yes or yes we are forced to share Sunday lunch.

Jealousy in the relationship

There are limits that are diffuse, I refer specifically to the issue of jealousy. There are very jealous people who are vigilant of who speaks to you, who writes to you and what photos you uploaded to Instagram. It's hard to realize the dangers of someone lurking to control your life so much online, like what you said to whom.

People with low self esteem or emotionally dependent, they usually put their partners above themselves and submit themselves so as not to be left alone.

There must be absolute respect for the belongings of others and for the places that are part of their personal environment. It is very important that each one delimit those borders and make others know them. There will even be some that can and should be negotiated: it is time to do so. Everyone has the right to their silences, their secrets, their convictions.

As much as you live with others, everyone has their own life.You should only enter the psychological space of others if there is an invitation or permission to do so.

What boil are you in?

We must be attentive, reflect on what is happening around us. Ask yourself, where am I currently? This question will be necessary to mark the subsequent path. We cannot chart a course in our lives if we do not know where we started from and where we want to go. How do I look in a year, in five, in ten?

It is essential to shift our attention to the long term. As the changes are small, but gradual and continuous it is necessary to use a broad vision and get used to thinking about how things have changed in the last year, in the last five, or in the last ten years.